He Is Love
by ilovethesoundofviolins
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian were childhood best friends, but sometimes growing up threatens to tear young love apart. Written for Kurtbastian Week 2012, Day 1.


**Warning(s) for this fic:** homophobic slurs, physical and emotional bullying

**Author's Note: **I wrote this for Kurtbastian Week 2012 on Tumblr, Day 1, which was Kurtbastian and Kids (but for this story, it's Kurtbastian _as _Kids). Enjoy~

* * *

Sebastian Smythe and Kurt Hummel grew up together for most of their lives, living down the street from each other as neighbors in Lima, Ohio. At four, five, and six years old, they'd spend the afternoons at either Sebastian's or Kurt's house, playing and imagining new worlds together. They were little boys, and as boys do, sometimes Kurt and Seb fought over whose turn it was, or who really won the game—but they always loved each other at the end of the day, just the same.

Kurt was Sebastian's best friend, and Sebastian Kurt's.

After Kindergarten, and all throughout first, second, and third grade, the two of them grew even closer. They could talk for hours at their sleepovers, and they always stayed up late counting the glow-in-the-dark stars on Sebastian's bedroom ceiling. Sebastian was tall for his age, but Kurt was a tiny little thing, and Sebastian was always pushing boys at school who tried to pick on Kurt into sandboxes, giving them rubber-burns on the jungle gyms and bruises near the swingset. Sebastian would always sent to the principal for "picking fights" at recess, and Mr. and Mrs. Smythe would always giving their son a scolding as they sat next to him with disappointed scowls in the office, but Sebastian never seemed to understand what he'd done wrong. His rationale was always, "But Mom, they were hurting Kurt!" and when Mr. and Mrs. Smythe saw the way that Seb would march determinedly around the house that same day, rummaging through the cupboards for handfuls of band-aids and informing them that he was going to Kurt's house to deliver them, they couldn't ever _really _be that angry with him. Sebastian was protective of Kurt. Kurt was his brother. Kurt was his love.

Late elementary school marked a subtle change in Kurt and Sebastian's friendship, but not by much. In fourth grade, girls were going through puberty and most boys weren't—on Valentine's day, Kurt remembered getting none of those stupid little paper Valentines from any of the girls in his box, but Sebastian getting ten of them, and trying hard not to compare himself. (Sebastian was still growing much faster than Kurt, and the girls all thought he was "cute" but he was more concerned with build forts and beating video games). Kurt and Seb weren't in the same class anymore by then, and thus they had different "friends" (or, that is to say, Sebastian was slowly gaining other guy friends while Kurt was slowly losing them), but they still saw each other around school, in the halls. When Kurt wasn't busy with homework and singing lessons and Sebastian wasn't busy with sports and piano, they still hung out in the afternoons, at either house; Sebastian with his lanky legs crossed as he pounded his thumbs into the GameCube controller, and Kurt filing his nails and periodically reminding Sebastian to "watch out for the red shells behind him." They spent less time together than usual and Kurt felt a little lonely sometimes, but he'd never really say anything, and if Sebastian felt like he missed the days when he and Kurt were joined at the hip too, he'd never say anything about it either.

But when the two of them reached junior high school, things started to change. Drastically, almost without rhyme or reason.

Kurt was starting to drift from Sebastian, and Sebastian from Kurt. Kurt began to feel like the boy he could always count on, the boy he grew up with and couldn't imagine not spending time with, was starting to desert him. And Kurt was scared that that desertion was going to be for good.

In the sixth grade, Sebastian started hanging out with Cawser Taylor, a popular, dirty-blonde bully who transferred from a different elementary school district and had dark circles under his eyes. (He also hung out with Cawser's four friends from that district too). Kurt didn't know when Sebastian had started caring about being "cool" so much, but Sebastian and the five of those guys were well-liked by other guys and almost every girl; they were popular. It was mostly because they were _so awesome_ at insulting people—or, at least, their half-grown twelve-year-old brains thought that they were. Sebastian was probably the best at insults with his words, with the way that he said them smoothly and sarcastically, never laughing at any of his own jokes and always speaking with perceived confidence. It made him such a likeable character. _And_ it was the way that he was usually much better at insulting girls, instead of guys. (Somehow being rude to the cute girls and "breaking up with them" after a two-to-three-day "relationship" made Sebastian exponentially cooler. It made Sebastian "the man." It made Sebastian "a pimp.")

Sebastian didn't really feel like he was being himself, and he was still young enough to feel bad every time he ditched some girl and told her that the sound of her voice made him want to drive off a cliff—but he pretended to like it anyway. If it meant that no one was ever going to bother him, _and _if it meant that he'd have a lot of friends and be "respected," then he'd just go along with it. Sebastian was true to who he was, unless it jeopardized his reputation, back then.

But Kurt, on the other hand, was a different case.

In sixth grade, Sebastian kind of missed Kurt. He missed the days when people weren't always calling Kurt such nasty names behind his back, expelling him like an outcast and treating him like a freak. He missed when waving at Kurt in the hallway because Kurt was "just his neighbor" didn't make him look so "uncool." And most of all, he missed when nobody cared about who was "gay" and who was "straight."

It was like if you were gay, back then, the sky was falling. And Kurt was definitely considered to be gay. By all the sixth grade boys, anyway. And even all the girls.

Maybe it was the way that Kurt dressed in heeled boots, tight pants, scarves, and fancy jewelry all the time. Maybe it was the way that Kurt hung out with girls, mainly, a group of three girls who he didn't even really like that much, but they were into the same things as him—fashion, Broadway musicals, and celebrity tabloids. Or maybe it was the way that he sat on the "girl's side" of the cafeteria, and the "girl's side" of the auditorium whenever they had assemblies, and etc., etc.

Whatever the case, Kurt was aware of his free-fallen status as an "ugly, gay, Broadway-singing, girl-freak." He was made well aware of it every time groups of boys would shove him into lockers and tell him to "stop looking so weird," or every time the girls all laughed at the idea of Kurt ever finding a girlfriend at that school. He forced himself to sit through the girls' "crushes" and ramblings about all the boys, neither joining in or answering them when they asked him "who he liked." Kurt didn't like anyone at that school. He used to like Sebastian, as a friend, but now, they—they didn't talk so much anymore.

The worst thing for Kurt was the locker room, before and after gym class. It was a sweaty, BO-filled confinement where he would constantly hear strings of, "Don't stand next to Kurt or he'll look at your _junk,_" and "Stop looking at my balls, Hummel, I'm not gay!" Sometimes while Kurt was changing, the guys in his row of lockers would cackle to themselves, count to three, and then run out of the hallway and into the next row like they were scared of "the gay," leaving Kurt insecure, all by himself, and feeling like he had some kind of social disease.

And after school, Kurt would go home on the bus, sometimes with bruises beneath his shirts, hidden away from his father. He'd wonder what Sebastian was doing, but he'd never walk over on his own. He'd think about the way that he and Sebastian were still friends, right? because they smiled at each other in the hallway, and they'd never told each other that they _weren't _friends anyway. Besides, Sebastian and Kurt still saw each other occasionally, whenever Burt and the Smythes would convene at either house for a game on TV or a joint-family dinner. Burt and Kurt would walk into the Smythe's garage to greet Mr. and Mrs. Smythe, and Sebastian and Kurt would awkwardly greet each other with a terrible side hug and hardly speak at all around the company of their parents.

It wasn't the way it used to be, Kurt thought, but it was something.

But one day, Sebastian was standing around school with Cawser and them, against the lockers during a passing period, and something happened that would give Sebastian a much needed wake-up call, about Kurt. About _his _Kurt. His brother. His best friend. His love.

"Look at gay-Hummel using that fucking hairspray again," Cawser began laughing to the group.

Sebastian looked up from where he'd been staring blankly, at his shoes. He glanced down the hallway and saw Kurt at his locker several yards away, staring at himself in his little pink, magnet mirror. He hadn't even noticed that Kurt was there before.

"Why does he even go and fix his hair all the time?" someone else chimed in, chuckling. "It always looks like horse shit."

"He's such a girl," another boy threw in.

"I bet he even puts on make up," said yet another.

The rest of the boys would laugh every time an insult was spoken, but Sebastian always found it difficult. He faked a smile and played along, but as the rest of them were looking at Kurt with reason to insult, Sebastian was looking at Kurt and noticing that he was alone, a lot. As the days in junior high ticked on, Kurt was becoming more and more alone than ever.

"The kid's totally a fag," Cawser blurted out all of a sudden. "Just look at him! It makes me want to punch him in the face about it!"

And that offended Sebastian more than he thought it would.

Fag. Sebastian _hated_ that word. He could say a lot of mean things, like "I'd rather lick a toilet seat" and "Your hair looks like you got permanently electrocuted," but he could never use that slur. It just—_sounded _terrible, the way the boys always spat it out, like being a "fag" meant you were absolute scum. It was a dark word that he didn't really even know the meaning of, but something about it just made him mad.

Sebastian looked up again quickly. Kurt was covering himself in one last aerosol cloud, completely oblivious to the things that were being said about him. (He was frowning a little too, and it did look like he was about to cry, but he often wore an expression like that when he was at school. Most perceived it as "normal.")

Then, all of a sudden, Cawser was saying, "I will, I will, let's go, let's go," and the rest of the boys were pulling up their pants and shuffling behind their "leader," approaching Kurt at their locker and checking over their shoulders for any teachers in the hallway.

Sebastian stomach dropped, clenched, and twisted. His heart beat harder. He felt frozen, conflicted. They'd never just gone up to Kurt like that before. They'd never surrounded little Kurt in a C-position, crossing their arms and closing in on him like they were now. As Sebastian's nervous feet moved his body forward for him, as he came up to the rim of the semi-circle and saw Cawser pressed right up close to Kurt's face, he felt like he couldn't function, like he was anxious and sweaty and he couldn't do anything to stop what was happening so rapidly.

"I don't have lunch money today, my dad packed me a sandwich," Kurt recited edgily, as Cawser began to put his hand around the ring of Kurt's collar.

"Listen, Hummel," Cawser growled, grinning, "we're all tired of you walking around our hallway looking like a fucking woman all the time."

"Yup, yup," the other boys chimed in.

"What the fuck is this?" Cawser asked Kurt, hooking his finger through the chain of Kurt's necklace, which had the head of an elephant as a pendant. Kurt winced and shut his eyes as Cawser yanked on it, breaking it free from Kurt's neck and tossing it onto the tile. Sebastian watched the necklace as it cracked, wincing.

Other boys in the hallway were starting to look at what was going on, ready to surround the area if a fight were to break out.

"What do you want?" Kurt spat out in his high voice, as Cawser's hand pointed threateningly at Kurt's chest.

Sebastian saw the way that Kurt was tensing up all over is body, and Sebastian was _staring _at Kurt, like he needed Kurt to look at him so that he would break out of his trance. Seb was staring at Cawser's grubby hand, hating what it might do and feeling a guilt-wrenched turn in his stomach, but Kurt wouldn't meet Sebastian's gaze. Kurt wouldn't make eye contact with any of them, not even Cawser. He'd stare at the floor with heavy-lidded eyes instead, his nose turned up like he was too good to be in the company of these boys, but his hands starting to shake like he was scared shitless.

"You're gonna come with us, alright?" Cawser said, turning to look at each of his boys as they, again, checked for any teachers and then nodded their heads in agreement. All but Sebastian. Sebastian still felt frozen.

"We're gonna go out back, and teach you a lesson about looking like such a freak."

And so there they were.

On the outskirts of school with three minutes left until the bell, Cawser and each of his friends taking their turn and kicking Kurt in the gut as he writhed on the floor against a wall of abandoned lockers. Sebastian didn't know what to do; he was sweating. He was watching like it was a horror movie, or one of those car accidents on the freeway that you just can't stop looking at. He knew that the right thing to do was to protect Kurt, like he used to, but feeling like he didn't want to get beaten up too, feeling bound by fear and bound by names like "gay freak" and "girl face" and mostly "fag"—Sebastian was being selfish and a coward, cringing at the way that Kurt, _his Kurt,_ was being beaten up as he stood just feet away, but too scared of taking a stand and being treated the way Kurt was treated at that school every single day.

When the bell rang, Cawser shoved his foot into Kurt's shoulder and gave each of his friends, not Sebastian, who hadn't joined in, a high five. Cawser said "Let's go," to the group, and the five of them began to walk back towards the hallway.

Sebastian stood there, stupid, shocked and wordless as Kurt, with a black eye and a little bit of blood coming from his lip, tried to adjust himself into a sitting position on the floor. Kurt looked up at Sebastian, then, _finally, _when Cawser and them had almost turned the corner. Sebastian felt his heart do something weird and felt like his throat had suddenly gone dry. Out of embarrassment, Sebastian turned and walked away from Kurt, hurrying to catch up with Cawser down the hall as Kurt sat where he was, sighing and preparing to dust himself off, not cry, and walk back into the place that he hated.

Later on that night, Burt reminded Kurt that it was Monday Night Football night at the Smythe's, and Kurt felt afraid to see Sebastian for the first time ever. Burt had been in sort of a grim mood ever since Kurt had gotten home, and he'd gone into a rage at the sight of his son's purpling black eye, calling the administration and demanding that something finally be done about bullying at this middle school. But now, Burt was telling Kurt that going over to Sebastian's house might make him feel better.

"You guys're still friends, right?" Burt asked him.

To which Kurt just nodded his head weakly, trying not to cry as he remembered Sebastian walking away from him.

Kurt and Burt walked into the Smythe's three-car garage through the open door, and Mr. and Mrs. Smythe came out of the house to greet them, as was their tradition. The Smythe's were a little bit more wealthy than the Hummels, and that was apparent by their luxury cars, including a black Cadillac with leather interior and a nice stereo system. Sebastian, long and lanky, came out behind his parents into the garage more timidly than usual, smiling and waving at Kurt and his dad, but his heart and his stomach did that dropping thing when he saw Kurt's eye and how sad Kurt still looked. Kurt was avoiding Sebastian's gaze, and he wasn't going to say anything until, of course, Seb's parents noticed that he was injured.

"_Kurt,_ what happened?" Mrs. Smythe was asking, and Sebastian was straight faced and tight lipped, hoping that Kurt wouldn't tell his parents about what had _really _happened.

Kurt smiled faintly, shaking his head. "Nothing," he started to say.

"Oh, hell if it was nothing," Burt said. "These kids were pickin' on Kurt at school again today. Beat him up and there were no teachers in sight."

"That's terrible," Mr. Smythe commented. "Do they not have, like, some kind of bully patrol or security at that school?" He looked between Kurt and Sebastian.

Sebastian said, "Uh, I don't know," and Kurt shook his head once again.

"I called that principal and gave him a piece of my mind," Burt was saying, and then Kurt and Sebastian tuned out of their parents conversation for a moment, looking at each other and registering the hurt and confusion in the other's eyes.

"We're gonna go inside, okay, boys?" Mrs. Smythe was telling them over her shoulder, as the three adults walked towards the door to the house.

Kurt and Sebastian nodded and continued to look at each other, and Kurt's smile fell the second the door shut.

Sebastian gulped and quickly glanced down at his shoes, chills rising on his skin.

"Cadillac," Kurt quipped.

Sebastian looked up at him.

"What?"

Kurt gestured to the shiny black car a few yards away with a glance and a raise of his brow.

"Cadillac," Kurt repeated.

The "Cadillac" was where Sebastian and Kurt used to spend most of their time as little kids. Sebastian's love of the big vehicle stemmed from the days when his dad would drive around the block with Sebastian on his lap, letting his son think that _he_ was the one making the car go and telling him that one day, this car would be his own. At six years old, Sebastian and Kurt used to sit in the front seats and Sebastian would invent scenarios or adventures for them, expecting Kurt to go along with them. Most of the time, Kurt had a hard time getting his imagination into it, or he would've rather played "tea party" at his house instead, but play date after play date, they always ended up in the "Cadillac." In fact, it was where their most important conversations would happen, even if the boys didn't always know it at the time.

One summer when they were six, Sebastian climbed up to the driver's side with a small grunt, closing the door and bouncing impatiently while Kurt slowly climbed up to the passenger seat, slightly pouting.

"How come _you _always get to drive?" Kurt asked Sebastian.

Sebastian looked over at his friend.

"Because," the taller boy reasoned. "I'm the dad, and dads drive the car."

Kurt sighed a little. This was how their scenarios usually started, with Sebastian immediately taking up the role that "had the most power" (and consequently got to drive the car), and Kurt being given a helpful "sidekick" role.

"How come I can't be the dad?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian made a quiet _vroom _noise, as if he were starting the car.

"Because," he said again. But no further rationale was given.

Kurt pouted more prominently.

"I'm the dad, and you're the wife, okay?" Sebastian prompted him, moving the steering wheel with his hands, as if to begin the game.

"Hey!" Kurt protested. "I'm not a girl!"

Sebastian looked over at Kurt blankly.

"Well, you like girl stuff," Sebastian reasoned. "It's just pretend anyway, I know you're a boy."

"I told you," Kurt huffed. "Tea parties aren't just for girls."

Sebastian _did _always go to every one of Kurt's tea parties, after all. No girls in sight, just two boys and plastic dishes and mountains of stuffed animals dressed in doll-sized couture.

"Well, you can be the boy-wife," Sebastian said.

Kurt looked confused.

"Isn't the wife supposed to be a girl all the time?" Kurt said, squinting his eyes.

Sebastian looked at Kurt again, innocently.

"I don't know."

They looked at each other for a moment, and then Kurt started to giggle.

"Boy-wife," he repeated. "That's not real."

Sebastian smiled, shrugged, and then purposefully tried to lower his voice.

"Honey," he said, as "the dad." "We have to pick up the kids from school, but we only have _ten minutes_, and there are _all_ these ninjas in the road, and we have to fight them to save the day…"

And so now they sat, at twelve years old, in the same car.

"Why did you let Cawser and his friends beat me up?"

That question burned between them for a couple of long, tense seconds.

Sebastian shifted in the driver's seat, arms crossed uncomfortably over his chest. Kurt's face was flushed from nervousness and his heart was beating hard from a little bit of fear. Okay, a lot a bit of fear. He didn't want to have to confront Sebastian about this, but he couldn't _not _do it. It was hurting him, that image of Sebastian turning his back on him. He had to know what this meant for their years and years of friendship. He had to know if Sebastian was leaving him.

"I don't know," Sebastian attempted, trying to sound careless. And failing.

"They really hurt me," Kurt said.

Sebastian looked over. His heart dropped a little when he saw how upset Kurt was, even if he wasn't sobbing or yelling, like his mom used to do when she was upset with his dad. Kurt's eyes were bigger and clouded up, and the purpling bruise was still apparent around his eyelid.

Sebastian felt so guilty when he looked at him.

"Look," Kurt spoke.

He rolled up his shirt sleeve to his elbow, showing Sebastian a long, gnarled gash that stretched across the whole of his arm, dried over with a new, disgusting layer of raw skin.

"Fuck!" Sebastian winced.

"From when they pushed me down," Kurt explained. "My dad saw it, and my eye, and he called the school." He stared down at his own arm sadly. "I had to give them their names and everything."

"Whoa, you didn't give them my name, did you, Kurt?" Sebastian asked quickly, in a panic.

Kurt stared up at him, almost as if he were angry.

"No," he said eventually, thinly.

Sebastian looked relieved, but not relieved enough. He still wore a slight, frustrated frown on his face.

"God, you don't even care, do you?" Kurt confronted him now, the backs of his eyes beginning to sting. "You just—you just _stood there_ and watched them _kick me_—"

"I'm sorry, Kurt!" Sebastian blurted out. "I didn't know they hurt you that bad!"

"Why didn't you help me?" Kurt retorted.

Sebastian paused, worrying his lip between his teeth.

"Because," he said, trying to compose himself. He crossed his arms tighter. "Cawser, and them, are my—they're my friends. I have to stick with them."

Kurt's eyes really began to tear up.

"No you don't," Kurt said, trembling. "And I was your friend first."

Sebastian felt the guilt hit him hard again.

"It's because everyone thinks I'm gay isn't it?" Kurt mumbled, sliding further down the car seat like he was giving up.

Sebastian didn't want to say that to him.

"I'm supposed to be cool," Sebastian tried, fumbling. "I mean, I _am_ cool. People respect me. And you're—" Sebastian stopped again when Kurt's eyes met his, "—people think you're weird because you dress like this all the time, and you hang out with girls—"

"I feel more comfortable around them," Kurt offered, sinking further into himself.

Sebastian thought about what Cawser said again. _"The kid's a total fag! Just look at him!"_

He felt himself getting angry.

Kurt stared over at him.

"I'm sorry about it, okay?" Sebastian said again. "I'm really sorry, Kurt."

He looked down at Kurt's arm. He may not have realized again it until that moment, but he didn't want Kurt to be hurt like this. It hurt _him _to see Kurt being hurt like this. He didn't want anyone to hurt Kurt. He wanted to protect Kurt and push his bullies into the sandbox, because Kurt was his brother and Kurt was his friend and they used to spend every single day together.

Kurt sighed and rolled his shirt sleeve back down.

"It's—it's not like _you _beat me up," Kurt mumbled, softly. "You were just—there."

That didn't make Sebastian feel any better.

Their parents walked back into the garage a moment later, smiling and laughing until they sat Kurt and Sebastian sitting in the Cadillac with straight faces and rigid postures. Sebastian glanced over at them through the driver's seat window, noticed his mother's concern and Burt's confusion.

"You didn't tell your dad," Sebastian said to Kurt quickly.

Kurt shook his head.

"He would've screamed at you, just like he screamed the principal on the phone," Kurt said weakly. "And that would've been _really_ bad."

Kurt got out of the car, then, and Sebastian followed. Their parents asked if everything was alright, and Kurt said, "Yes," and Sebastian couldn't really say anything. About two hours later, Burt said they had to go, so Kurt said goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Smythe, and exchanged a discomfited side-hug with Sebastian. In the car on the way home, Burt asked Kurt if everything was alright, asked why the boys had been sitting in the old Cadillac again, at their age, and Kurt said,

"Yes. Everything's fine. We were sitting in there just because. Just because it was like old times."

(+)

The next day, Sebastian got crap from his "friends" for not helping them beat up Kurt the day before.

"You were a total pussy!" Cawser complained, in the hallway.

"Kurt's like my neighbor," Sebastian fought back. "If I had beat him up with you guys, my parents would've found out and I'd be dead."

"Whatever," Cawser said, and the rest of his friends shook their heads like he did.

But Sebastian was the only one of them not serving after school detentions every day for the next three weeks. Kurt had spared him, even when he didn't deserve it.

About a week later, with Sebastian still trailing along with Cawser and Kurt still hiding out with the girls, Cawser decided that one day, after school, they would take Kurt off campus somewhere to "finish their business," because it was "Kurt's fault that they were in detention so much," and detention "really, really sucked balls."

"We shouldn't," Sebastian was saying as the boys prepared to surround an unsuspecting Kurt at his locker again.

Cawser turned around and gave Sebastian a nasty look, and the other boys imitated.

"Why not?" he said. "Are you sticking up for him? You a fag like him too?'

Sebastian cringed and balled his hand into a fist.

"You really don't wanna call me that," Sebastian challenged, in a lower voice.

"You can stand over here like the pussy that you really are if you want then, while we teach gay-Hummel another lesson," Cawser said, and Sebastian wasn't used to having this boy talk to him like he talked to everyone else, but he didn't like it. "I thought you were down, Sebastian."

Sebastian glanced behind his "friends" at Kurt, who now realized that the bullies were nearby and standing in suspicious huddle. Before Sebastian could say anything else in defense, Cawser and his friends were doing the "teacher check" again and walking up to Kurt. But this time, Sebastian remembered the Cadillac and the scrape on Kurt's arm and something, foolishly, drove him to stand in between Cawser and Kurt in front of Kurt's locker.

"What the fuck?" Cawser whined.

"Leave him alone," Sebastian said with his voice steady, no matter how unsteady he felt on the inside.

Kurt didn't know what was going on all of a sudden. He stared up at Sebastian, taken aback by his sudden protective presence in front of him, in the sixth grade, in the middle of the boys hallway, in junior high, where they weren't supposed to do this anymore.

"Who are you right now?" another boy complained.

"Do we have to kick your ass too?" Cawser threatened.

"Please. I'm taller than all of you," Sebastian said. "And I'm stronger, and you know it. I could take all five of you. Easy."

Cawser pressed his lips together angrily. He wouldn't punch Sebastian, if he knew what was really good for him.

Sebastian looked over at one of the open classroom doors, where a teacher was starting to peek her head out and see what was going on.

"Someone's watching us," Sebastian told his "friends." "Look."

Cawser and the boys turned around, and the second they made eye contact with the teacher, their "tough kid" bravado fell down and they whimpered, "Fuck, fucking shit, act normal, act normal," walking away from Sebastian and Kurt and dispersing themselves away from Kurt's locker.

Sebastian had a means to follow them, but first he exhaled, trying to hear himself think over the internal sound of his thick, pounding heartbeat.

"Um…thank you?" Kurt said behind him, quietly.

Sebastian turned to him quickly, not sure how to explain himself or how to explain that on the inside, he did still like Kurt. He still wanted to be Kurt's friend. He didn't know how it happened that Kurt was with the girls and Sebastian was with the boys, but he missed the way things used to be and he felt stupid and guilty.

"Have to go," Sebastian muttered at him, face turning slightly red.

He walked the same direction Cawser and the other guys had gone, and Kurt followed Sebastian's long figure with his eyes until he'd disappeared around the corner.

Another week or so later, with Kurt and Sebastian having not spoken since Seb had protected Kurt in front of Cawser, the middle school was hosting the The Sixth Grade Dance. It was just as painfully awkward as any junior high function could be, with a disco ball, a punch bowl, and the girls and boys on either halves of the room in the musty, smelly gym.

Kurt was sitting with the girls in a powder blue shirt and dress pants, picking at his hangnails and listening to them go on about what boys they wanted to dance with and who looked "_so_ hot, tonight." Eventually, the DJ played a crowd-favorite song and that got some of the girls and boys on the dance floor. The room was a little busier, and that was when Kurt realized that Sebastian was coming up to his table, dressed in a too-baggy, white button up shirt and tan pants that didn't quite cover his ankles.

"Hey, Kurt," Sebastian said, gruffly.

Kurt looked up at Sebastian in a little confusion, and then he looked around the room to see if anyone was paying attention to their interaction. No one was. (Besides a few of the unpopular girls, who were suddenly very jealous that _the cool, rude, and handsome _Sebastian Smythe was suddenly talking to _him_).

"Hi," Kurt said. He glanced down at the cup of punch in his hands, swirling it around awkwardly. "How do you like the dance?"

Sebastian shrugged. "I don't like dancing with these people," he said.

Kurt glanced up again, and then looked around the room at some of the girls that he just couldn't manage to feel attracted to, yet.

"Neither do I," he said. "And it seriously smells like something died in here," he added, looking around the room disdainfully.

Sebastian looked around too, quietly, for a moment.

"Aren't you going to get in trouble with your 'cool' friends for talking to 'gay-Hummel'?" Kurt asked after a while, bitterly.

Sebastian tensed up and looked around, to see if they Cawser and the boys were watching. He realized that they weren't and picked them out on the opposite wall, laughing and pushing each other around in a mosh pit like idiots.

A blush began to spread at the tips of his ears and his neck when he looked back down at Kurt's big blue eyes.

"I got back in with Cawser and them again," Sebastian said, hands very interested in the collar of his own shirt, which suddenly felt much tighter than before. "After standing up for you the other day. But I had to go through serious hazing first."

Kurt frowned. "Like what?"

Sebastian shook it off. "Don't ask questions you don't wanna know the answers to," he half-joked, trying to sound "tough."

Kurt rolled his eyes gratuitously.

The song changed again, to "It's Getting Hot In Here" by Nelly, and Sebastian really did think it was getting hot in there, what with the way his palms and forehead were all sweaty all of a sudden. Kurt drank from his punch to try and ease the silence, and then Sebastian was suddenly saying something.

"When Cawser and—those guys call you all those names," Sebastian spoke. "It's just rumors and—stupid stuff, you know."

Kurt just looked at him. That was a statement, not a question.

"I just wanted to tell you that I've been telling them the rumors aren't true," Sebastian continued.

Kurt glanced away, biting on his lip a little bit.

Sebastian gulped. "…Are they true?" he asked.

Kurt paused for a long, tense time, like he was hurt and he wanted to tell Sebastian what he thought might've been the truth.

But instead, he just said,

"No."

And then Sebastian was nodding awkwardly, and trying to figure out a way to dismiss himself.

"I'm gonna—go back over there," Sebastian said. "I just—uh—wanted to tell you that."

Kurt looked a little disappointed.

"Okay," was all he said, in a squeak of a voice. "Bye."

Sebastian turned on his heels then and did a bee-line to the "boys" side of the room, and again, Kurt watched him go and wondered if this meant that Sebastian really did still want to be his friend.

But after the Sixth Grade Dance, Seb and Kurt wouldn't really talk again, for the rest of the school year. Mr. Smythe got a new job, so Mr. and Mrs. Smythe were constantly having classy get-togethers with Mr. Smythe's new business partners and their families, in lieu of small gatherings with Burt and Kurt Hummel. By the time Kurt was in the eighth grade, Burt was having to work even harder at his tire shop anyway, since the economy was starting to plummet and he was trying to keep all his employees protected.

Gradually, with Kurt and Sebastian almost never seeing each other outside of school, and the two of them passing each other with nothing but an awkward half-smile in the hallways at school, the two boys pretty much stopped talking completely. Sebastian didn't know how it happened, how he'd become so distracted with Cawser and the "popular group" and the girl he was supposed to be "dating," a little blonde named Venessa—but eventually, he'd forget about Kurt for a couple days sometimes, or even months. If he ever did think about him, and about the way they always used to sit in the Cadillac like it was their getaway, he'd feel really sweaty and start to feel guilty and try to ignore the memories of the names that they still called him.

Kurt gay-Hummel. Lady parts. Girl face. Homo. Fag.

Soon, Sebastian and Kurt graduated from eighth grade. A couple days after the ceremony, Sebastian was sitting with his mom in their remodeled kitchen, and Mrs. Smythe had the phone book out, to make a list of guests for Sebastian's graduation party.

At one point, Mrs. Smythe noticed that Sebastian seemed kind of bored with the prospect of a grand-scale party in his honor, so she asked him a question, out of curiosity.

"Do you wanna invite Kurt to your party, sweetheart?"

Sebastian looked up from the marble counter at her, frowning a little.

"I know you boys don't talk anymore," Mrs. Smythe continued. "But he used to be your best friend, and we're moving soon. You're never going to see him."

The move. Sebastian didn't like to think about that. He and his parents were moving two hours away to Westerville in the fall, because his dad got a transfer and a huge pay raise. They were going to be living in some kind of mansion, and Seb was going to be going to a private high school called Dalton. The tuition was steep and he would have to wear a uniform, a navy blue blazer with a red and blue striped tie.

It was also an all-boys school. Sebastian didn't want to move, because this house in Lima was where he'd grown up, and he would miss it so much. But for that, for the fact that he wouldn't have to be so concerned about showing some blonde girl off and calling her his "girlfriend" when he was at school, Sebastian was sort of relieved. Actually, really relieved. The whole girl thing had started to become a hassle and a ticking time bomb anyway, and if Sebastian hadn't gotten out of the Lima school district when he had, he probably would've suppressed it in unhealthy ways.

Sebastian might've never been able to be true to himself one day.

Sebastian remembered seeing Kurt on the day of graduation. Sebastian, in his red cap and gown, stood next to his parents and shook hands with Burt, accepting the congratulations and smiling proudly. Kurt, who was standing next to Burt, was avoiding Sebastian's gaze with determination, and it made Sebastian sad for the first time in a long time.

"Congrats, Kurt," Sebastian had said to him, calling his attention.

Kurt looked up at him, but the look in his eyes sort of harsh and cold for a second. Then, though, Kurt smiled a little and offered his hand. Sebastian shook it, feeling his stomach turn when he felt how soft and warm it was.

"Thank you," Kurt said, faintly, glancing down at their hands. "You too."

Sebastian pulled his hand away and wished he could tell his heart to stop beating so damn hard.

"Nobody likes Kurt," Sebastian said to his mom now, in the kitchen. His mom looked a little taken aback.

"I mean," Sebastian corrected himself, trying to ignore the bad way he'd felt when Kurt walked across the stage to get his diploma, and almost none of the other graduates clapped for him. "If he shows up, the rest of my friends will just treat him like complete shit," Sebastian continued, crossing his arms.

"Language," Mrs. Smythe scolded.

"Sorry," Sebastian recited. "Anyway, I don't want to do that to him."

_He doesn't deserve it, _he tacked on in his head. But he wouldn't say that out loud.

"Well, why don't you have a separate party, with him?" his mom suggested.

Sebastian whipped his eyes up at her.

"Because that's…awkward," he said slowly.

"It's only awkward if you make it awkward," his mother said. "We're having Burt over for dinner in a couple of weeks—maybe you and Kurt could hang out then?"

Sebastian didn't know why he suddenly felt so nervous and uncomfortable.

"Maybe," he said, absently.

"Think about it," Mrs. Smythe said. "Now," she began to flip through the rest of her address book. "Who else did you wanna invite?"

For a week, Sebastian kept thinking about the impending separation—about the fact that he was going to be leaving his childhood home, and his childhood memories, and he really didn't want to leave all of them behind. The day after his graduation party, which had been a grand occasion with a private DJ, catered food, a bunch of Sebastian's "friends" and all their parents that he didn't recognize, Sebastian was sitting in his room when, suddenly, it "hit him" that after he moved to Westerville, he and Kurt really might not see each other ever again.

Yeah, there was this new Facebook thing that everyone was talking about, and he and Kurt might still run into each other if his parents ever saw Burt again, but Sebastian didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. He suddenly felt like he couldn't.

It took him all the fourteen-year-old courage he could muster to walk down the street and knock on, Hummels door that day shaky hands in his pockets and sweat beading on his forehead. When Burt opened it and found Sebastian Smythe on the doorstep, tall and nervous like a boy on his first date, the man looked surprised, of course.

"Sebastian," was all he said.

Burt looked a little more intimidating than usual in his mechanic's uniform, and Sebastian figured that Burt may not like him as much anymore, ever since he stopped being friends with Kurt.

"Hi," Sebastian said quickly. "Is—is Kurt home?"

Kurt, who was on the couch in the living room and could hear the exchange, felt a shiver run down his spine and felt his eyes go wide.

"Uh, yeah," Burt said. "Kurt!"

Kurt sighed deeply, closing his eyes.

Eventually, with sorrow about him, Kurt got up from the couch and came to the open door. Sebastian stared at Kurt for a moment without saying anything, and Kurt put up his protective front and glanced Sebastian up and down.

"Hey," Sebastian said.

Kurt tried not to sound as uneasy as he felt. "Hi," he said back.

"Um," Sebastian began. "I know this is kind of sudden, but—I was wondering if you wanted to—come to my house."

Kurt raised his eyebrow.

"When?" he asked swiftly.

"Whenever," Sebastian replied, nervously. "Tomorrow, next week, or—right now, if you're not busy."

Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I suppose I'm not doing anything too important at the moment," he said. "I was going to give myself a facial, but—if me going to your house is a dire need for you, that can wait."

Sebastian almost hadn't expected Kurt to agree.

"Okay," Sebastian said. "Um—let's go."

They walked back down the street and Sebastian let them in through the garage, which was becoming increasingly full with furniture and things that were going to be moved. Sebastian left the garage door open, and then looked at Kurt quickly.

"Um," he started, nudging his elbow towards the black car to their left. "Cadillac?"

Kurt's eyes went wide again, and a lump formed in his throat.

"Okay," he mumbled.

Sebastian got in on the driver's side, waiting on edge in the seat and pressing his heal into the brake pedal as Kurt got in the other side and shut the door.

Kurt waited for a moment, staring at the leather interior and the fancy dashboard and trying not to smile sadly when he thought about their memories here.

"Are you—excited about high school?" Sebastian asked now, staring out of the front window shield.

Kurt hesitated at that, glancing over at Sebastian's profile. He realized that it _was _nice to be next to him, and hear his voice. Sebastian's voice had already broken several months ago, and Kurt thought it was hot still had a voice that was several octaves "too high."

"Yes," Kurt answered, briefly. "Are you?"

Sebastian shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. He turned and made eye contact with Kurt. "I'm moving, to another district. In Westerville. I'm going to this private school called Dalton next year."

"I know," Kurt said, nodding and glancing to the side.

Sebastian blinked quickly. "You do?"

"My dad told me," Kurt said. "A few months ago."

"Oh," Sebastian said.

There was an awkward silence, and Kurt tried not think about the way he'd felt when his dad came and told him that the Smythes were leaving, and the way he felt when he realized that Sebastian hadn't even told him.

"How was your graduation party?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian chuckled a little.

"Stupid," he answered.

"Weren't all your friends there?" Kurt said. "Cawser, and—Venessa—"

Sebastian smirked and shook his head.

"Yeah, but—I hate them," he admitted. "Glad I never have to see them again. They really get fucking annoying."

Kurt looked surprised to hear that, but he didn't say anything.

"But, I'm—nervous," Sebastian said now. "About the new school."

"Oh I'm sure you'll be _just_ fine," Kurt snapped.

Sebastian was almost surprised at how mean that had sounded. But then again, he understood. And that understanding was what hurt him now.

"Kurt," Sebastian said.

Kurt looked over again, and Sebastian was so nervous about the way his thought process was going that he almost felt like jumping out of the car.

"I just—wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," Sebastian said, kind of shakily. "For middle school."

Kurt tried not to let his cold expression break.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Sebastian tried to find the right words, tried to just blurt it out, even if it didn't make sense and even if Kurt didn't understand.

"We used to be—really cool," Sebastian said. "I used to see you every day, and it didn't matter what other people said, or about—whether people thought you were gay and thought I was straight."

Kurt shifted in his seat, starting to feel upset and starting to feel like his face couldn't hide it anymore.

"And I should've never been friends with Cawser instead of you," Sebastian continued. "I'm not even going to see any of them ever again, and—you were my friend first. My best friend, before. When I leave I'm really only going to miss you."

And Kurt started to break a little inside, at that.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come to dinner when your dad comes, next week," Sebastian said, watching Kurt carefully, hoping what he was saying was okay. "And—I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out again during the summer. Just you and me. Like before."

Kurt looked like he wanted to cry, all of a sudden, and Sebastian didn't know why.

"I still care about you, Sebastian," Kurt admitted slowly, a tear beginning to roll down his cheek. He wiped it quickly, embarrassed, and then crossed his arms over his chest. "A lot."

Sebastian felt tense all over his body as he watched Kurt cry. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Sebastian was supposed to get Kurt back because he missed him, and Sebastian was supposed to try and make up for two years of lost time before he moved away and lost Kurt's companionship. Possibly for good.

"But we're not friends anymore," Kurt said shakily. "We haven't been since the fifth grade."

Sebastian felt his mouth going dry.

"I want us to be friends," Sebastian managed.

"I feel like that's not true," Kurt answered. "My dad doesn't even feel like that's true. You know he told me that your parents never call him anymore? He said that it's because you guys feel like you're so much better than us now, ever since your dad got that rich, stuck up job."

"What the hell?" Sebastian said. For some reason that was a sore sport. "That's not what we think, Kurt."

"But that's what it feels like," Kurt argued. "I feel like—I care about you, but you don't care about me back. Because you never show it. And that—that really, really sucks."

Sebastian shook his head, as if to convince Kurt that he was wrong.

"If you had gotten picked on when we started middle school," Kurt said. "I would've been there for you. If you didn't have any other friends, I would've still hung out with you. You didn't do that for me."

Sebastian wanted to tell Kurt that he did, but he knew that he didn't really try. He didn't try hard enough to keep up their friendship.

"When I go to high school next year, I just want a fresh start," Kurt continued, his voice cracking. "I just want to be myself without all of these people judging me and beating me up and making me feel like I'm worthless. And I know that you didn't ever kick me, or push me, or call me a 'fag' to my face, but—you were a part of the bullying. By standing there and doing nothing, you were a part of making me feel—awful and alone and like everyone hated me."

"I didn't mean to do that to you, Kurt," Sebastian pleaded. "I'm sorry."

"But you did," Kurt finished. "You did do it, and maybe I just should forgive you for that, because we used to be best friends and middle school is over now, but—I can't. I can't."

They sat in the car in silence for a while, and Sebastian felt like Kurt was sand that had just quickly slipped from between fingers.

"I'm—I'm gonna go now," Kurt muttered softly, sniffling. He looked around the Cadillac for one more moment, remembering how it smelled and how the leather sets felt against his back. "Maybe I'll come to eat dinner, with my Dad next week. But I really don't think so."

Kurt got out of the Cadillac, walked out the garage door, and Sebastian hadn't been expecting it to hurt so much when he saw Kurt walk away.

He sat in the car for a while longer, the same car that they sat in when they were six, on another one of their "husband and boy-wife" adventures.

"How come your dad doesn't have a girl-wife like my dad?" Sebastian had asked Kurt one day when they were little, randomly, in the middle of a game.

"Well," Kurt drawled, "my dad says that I'm a angel, 'cause Mommy went to Heaven after I was born."

Sebastian didn't seem to understand this.

"Don't you ever get to see her?" Sebastian asked.

"No. But my dad says that she's happy," Kurt answered.

Sebastian was quiet for a moment.

"Look, honey!" he squeaked after a while, resuming the game again. He jumped up on his knees in the driver's seat and shook the wheel in his hand manically. "Another lava pit! If we want to get the kids from school, we have to jump the car _all _the way across, and get to the other side before the lava-alligators get us!"

Kurt sighed, wearily.

"I don't wanna play this anymore," he said.

Sebastian looked at him blankly. "Why not?" he said. He looked impatient, then. "We're almost done!"

"Because we _always _play this," Kurt said.

Sebastian stared at him. "It's fun," he reasoned.

"But it takes for_ever_," Kurt complained. "I'm starting to feel sleepy!"

Sebastian looked annoyed for a moment, and then he sat back down on in the seat, sighing dramatically.

"I _guess _we don't have to play anymore, if you _want_," he gave up.

Kurt smiled a little and unbuckled his seatbelt. He opened his door and carefully climbed down from the Cadillac, closing the door back on his way out. Sebastian pouted for a moment, crossed his arms stubbornly in hopes that Kurt would come back. But when Kurt continued trotting to the door, Sebastian got out too eventually, and the two of them walked back inside the house to do something else.

(+)

In high school, for Kurt, things only got worse.

Freshman year, Kurt would walk up to school in a Marc Jacobs sweater and a brand new broach, and quickly meet a loyal companion named Dumpster, with whom he would spent a lot of time. The jocks would feel like re-introducing him and Dumpster every morning, some claiming that "they remembered him" and calling him a fag as they tossed him in, and others not knowing who he was at all and simply saying, "It's freshman protocol. Sorry, pretty boy."

Kurt had other companions too, with names like Porta-Potty and Janitor's Closet and Underneath-The-Bleachers-At-Four-O-Clock. He had a couple of girl friends, Mercedes and Tina, and a boy in a wheelchair named Artie, but they were just as mistreated as him, and even then, he had a hard time being nice to them when really, he just felt like being mean to _everybody. _He was just so hurt.

In high school, Kurt was miserable. By the time sophomore year came around, Kurt hated everyone, and he hated himself, but whenever Burt threatened to make Kurt transfer because of the bullying, he'd always say, "Remember what you told me, Dad? Nobody pushes the Hummels around?' And he'd try and try again to make it through the days.

Sebastian, meanwhile, had a pretty enjoyable and rather eye-opening first two years at Dalton. He walked in, tall, dirty blonde, and silently confident in his dark blue blazer, and he almost instantly made friends. Almost all of the guys at Dalton were cool and accepting, and there wasn't really "cliques" or anything, everyone just knew each other and hung out in mass groups. A few of the preppies Sebastian met were selfish and a bit stuck up, with a "do you know who my father is?" kind of attitude, but Sebastian couldn't blame them. He was a little bit like that too, he realized, especially after his dad had become ridiculously rich after the transfer, and the move.

Sebastian's house was like a palace, and he had a master-sized bedroom and a private living room all to himself. It was empty at home a lot, and Sebastian was lonely when he wasn't at Dalton, but if he felt that way, he'd never show it, and his mother ever asked, he tried to say that he was fine.

Sebastian met a guy there, too. His name was Thaddeus, and he was a sophomore when Sebastian was a freshman. Thad was the one who sort of "showed Sebastian" around the place; he was openly gay and _really _sexy, and he apparently had a reputation of getting around.

Sebastian hadn't wanted to admit it at first. That he was gay. But when he realized that he had nothing to be afraid of at Dalton, and when he realized that the gay guys like Thad were just as cool and accepted as the guys who were straight, he started to become okay with the idea. At Dalton, you couldn't always tell the gay guys and the straight guys apart. And that had always been Sebastian's view about it.

He and Thad started fooling around, Seb's freshman year. It was almost unavoidable, what with them seeing each other all the time, and what with Thad making it all look so easy and hot and intriguing. Thad was who Sebastian gave his first, shaky, uneven hand job to, and who he ended up losing his virginity to after school in a back corner of the library. And when people found out about Seb and Thad, they were excited—or, well, some were, and it was a gossip-y kind of excited. Sebastian was often talked about for being Thad's current "thing," and sometimes he hated the fact that some people were big-mouths about it, but other times, he was fine about it.

When Thad told Sebastian that "they weren't boyfriends" and tried to act like Sebastian was clinging to him, the start of his sophomore year, Sebastian bounced. It hurt a little, knowing that the first guy he'd been with had been an ass, but then, he realized, that he wasn't just "Thaddeus-sexual." He was all-male sexual. He was gay, like, really gay, and he could freely date any guy he wanted now.

And that was when something hit him, again.

Sebastian hadn't talked to Kurt in person ever since the day after his graduation party, in eighth grade. He hadn't gotten to see Kurt before he moved out of Lima. But shortly after he started high school, Sebastian friended Kurt on Facebook, and he was relieved to see that Kurt had accepted him. So, so relieved.

Sebastian checked up on Kurt every couple of weeks, or every couple of months. Noticing that Kurt at least had some friends, those girls Mercedes and Tina and that boy Artie, who posted links on his Wall sometimes; noticing that one day, upon scrolling through Kurt's information section, the "Interested In" section, which had been hidden before, now said,

"Interested in: Men."

When Kurt officially "came out" as gay, Sebastian sort of found out from his parents. They didn't say it in so many words, but he overheard them talking in the car about some conversation Mrs. Smythe had had with Burt. Mr. Smythe said something about "always knowing it," Mrs. Smythe said, "don't say that," and Mr. Smythe said, "What? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying that he was always, y'know, off. You know he was too."

Sebastian took notice (and a liking) to some of Kurt's profile pictures once or twice, too. Kurt was starting to grow up, starting to lose the baby fat on his cheeks and starting to get taller and thin out nicely. Kurt was styling his hair sort of differently, up and back instead of with bangs in his face, and Sebastian thought, from the blurry pictures anyway, that he looked really nice when he showed off his eyes.

Sebastian was a little worried about Kurt, sometimes. Sometimes Kurt had Facebook statuses that were very angry and negative, talking about how much he hated teenagers, hated this class and that class, and hated high school. One day, Sebastian IM'd Kurt out of curiosity, and it took Kurt a half hour to answer him, but eventually he said "Hi." Sebastian's heart skipped a beat and he quickly typed back, "It's been a long time, how are you?" but Kurt didn't answer back. When he logged off that night, Sebastian felt defeated, but once more, he didn't really blame Kurt for keeping him at arms distance.

At the end of sophomore year, Kurt was cleaning out his locker on the last day of school before summer break. He was carrying boxes of books, collages, Broadway playbills, and empty cans of hairspray, and when he stepped out to the front of school to wait for his dad, he saw, in the distance, a black Cadillac driving by, a similar model and style to the one that the Smythes had always had.

Kurt's stomach did a flip and he slightly panicked, he peered through the window to see who was inside of it. But it was just some random parent, so he calmed himself down.

And when he got home that afternoon, red-faced and exhausted from a long, hot drive in his dad's car, he opened up Facebook and typed,

**I've never been more relieved to get the HELL out of school for the summer.**

And Sebastian saw that on his screen, and he really realized how much he _missed _Kurt.

He wanted to see Kurt. He wanted to know how he was. He wanted to hear all about his life now, and most of all, he wanted to check on Kurt and ensure that he wasn't hurt too badly, from whatever the hell high school was doing to him. The thought of bigger, stronger high school guys handling Kurt made Sebastian cringe, made Sebastian want to stop everything and tell Kurt he could do it for him, he could protect him and keep him safe. To tell Kurt that he still cared.

And so he decided, that summer, that he wasn't going to stop trying this time. He was going to text Kurt, he was going to call Kurt, and he was going to use his driver's permit to drive out to see Kurt. As long as…Kurt would permit it. Sebastian was going to take Kurt out on a date, a "friend" date, and get to know the boy he grew up with all over again.

Even after all this time, Kurt was still his brother. His friend. His love. And Sebastian would probably always care.

When Kurt got a call from a number he didn't recognize one day, he answered it saying, "If you're not Mercedes, Tina, Artie, or Patti LuPone, please don't say a word, and hang up the phone. Your hatred is not wanted here, and I _will _report you to the phone company and have you blocked."

And Sebastian smiled on the other line, because Kurt's voice, even though his words were harsh, was still sweet and perfect and chirpy and _god, _Sebastian hadn't heard him in so long.

"Kurt?" Sebastian said.

Kurt's heart shot out of his chest and straight through the ceiling.

"Sebastian?" he blundered.

"Hi," Sebastian said. "Sorry that I'm not Patti LuPone."

"Oh my god, um—" Kurt was suddenly blushing everywhere, feeling emotions that ranged from bitter to abandoned to exhilarated. Sebastian's voice had gotten a little deeper and smoother, and it still sounded hot, even if Kurt had a few ill feelings about its speaker. "Hi," Kurt spoke, uneasily. "H-how did you—why do you have my number?"

"My parents," Sebastian said. "I convinced them to call your dad, and they somehow convinced him to let them have it. I'm sorry that my call is so unexpected."

Kurt wanted to say "It's okay," but he didn't. Because he hadn't been okay the last time they spoke.

"How is everything?" Sebastian asked. "How are you?"

Kurt was torn between giving Sebastian a nice, fake answer and a very honest answer.

"Um," he started. "School is—or, was—complete hell. But I'm glad to be home now, for summer. I'm fine, I guess."

"That's good," Sebastian said. "I'm glad that school is over for me too."

Kurt almost said, "I didn't ask," but he reigned it in. He waited, then, for Sebastian to say something else.

"I'm just going to get straight to the point, Kurt," Sebastian said, with butterflies in his stomach. He sighed, and cleared his throat, and Kurt waited. "I want to see you. I understand, completely, if you don't want to, and I know that it's been a while since we were okay, and I know that I've hurt your feelings, but—I really want to know how you've been."

Kurt was confused.

"Why?" Kurt said, questioning as a defense mechanism. "Why now? What changed?"

Sebastian had to think about that for a moment.

"Nothing changed, really, Kurt," he said. "Time went by, and—I've realized that I can't keep pretending that I don't still wonder about you."

Kurt paused, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"You…wonder about me," he repeated.

"Yes," Sebastian said. "Sometimes I still think about you. Actually I think about you often, now."

"What would we do?" Kurt said quickly. "If—if I agreed to see you."

Sebastian started to smile again. "Anything you want," he said. "I'm driving my dad's old Cadillac now. We could go anywhere."

And Kurt started to smile a little bit too.

"Dinner, could be nice," Kurt suggested, still trying to sound distant. "If you paid for me. It's no secret that your house is a swank chalet and the _Smythes_ are rolling in dough."

Sebastian laughed. "Dinner sounds great," he said.

They set a date, and when Kurt hung up the phone, he felt both like he'd just doomed himself, and like he was finally going to be _relieved_ of some of his pain.

But he was scared. Scared of letting himself be vulnerable around Sebastian again. Scared of being hurt even worse.

Kurt was on edge and kind of jumpy as they drove in the car, after Seb picked Kurt up from his house and they drove around the streets of Lima. Sebastian was a god damn distraction, and Kurt couldn't even think straight because _when _had Sebastian gotten so _tall, _and so_ handsome_, and so _buff_, and so _amorous_? And when had he started wearing cologne that smelled like heaven and made Kurt forget that this boy, Sebastian, is the same one he used to see muddy and running around his underwear through the sprinklers when they were eight?

And Sebastian felt the same about Kurt. Kurt had changed a lot, had turned into this slender little thing with thick hair, bright eyes, pretty lips, and a jawline that could kill. He still had a little bit of acne, and you could tell that he was still at the middle-end of his puberty stages, but Sebastian kind of couldn't take his eyes off Kurt. He was fascinated by how Kurt had changed, and grown to be so striking. It was like Kurt was still his Kurt, adorable as always, but taller and polished and without so much bright red, natural blush taking over his otherwise pale skin at every moment.

They sat down at the table in the very back corner of the restaurant (which Kurt had requested, to be safe), and Kurt immediately picked up a menu to try and hide the way his jaw was working under his skin, a habit out of nervousness. He didn't want to look Sebastian in his stupid, attractive face. And Sebastian was nervous too, watching Kurt's hands as they curled around the plastic of the menu, trying not to think about soft and warm they must've still been.

They started talking eventually, about what was good at this restaurant and how shitty the summer weather in Lima always was. Then, after a while, though, Sebastian wanted to get right to the point again.

"Kurt," Sebastian said at one point, elbows on the table, shirt buttons open to reveal a hint of chest and collarbone.

Kurt's eyes flickered up at him, and his chest and his neck and his more-mature face-and Kurt's posture was became more rigid, and his Adam's apple bobbed. He was trying hard to compose himself.

"I, um," Sebastian started, his mouth ghosting the form of the smile, but his eyes very sad. "I've really missed you."

Kurt looked a little taken aback. He felt something in his heart, but he tried to ignore it.

"You're just saying that, aren't you?" he said, taking his glass of water, sucking absently from the straw.

"No, I'm not," Sebastian said, eyes drawn to the way Kurt's lips curled around the straw. He looked back into his eyes, seriously. "I mean it."

Kurt glanced up again, the pain behind his front becoming more apparent.

"Then why didn't you say anything?" Kurt asked him, pitch going uneven. "Ever? Why didn't you say anything for almost two years?"

Sebastian stared at him, and again, it was distracting.

"I wanted to," he said. "I've been wanting to. The last time we saw each other, we—you didn't want to spend time with me."

"Because you were kind of a jerk to me," Kurt reasoned bitterly.

"I know," Sebastian said. "I know I was. I felt like you wouldn't've wanted to talk me if I told you that I missed you, and I told you that I was sorry again."

Kurt knew that was true. He would've just shut it down.

"I did try to IM you once, but you stopping answering," Sebastian added.

Kurt chuckled a little, but he was still apparently upset.

"I was stupid," Sebastian said, now. "When we were younger. I was stupid, and I was a bonehead, and I was a coward. I should've just stayed with you when we were in middle school, and when—" he paused, swallowing, "when they beat you, and tore you down, and told you that you were nothing, when really, I thought differently. I did, but—I just stood there."

Kurt nodded, his eyes beginning to shine and tear up.

"Mm hm," Kurt prompted, as if to tell Sebastian to keep on.

"And I'm so sorry, Kurt," Sebastian said. "You were special to me, and I shouldn't have let you go. I shouldn't have cared about my stupid sixth grade reputation, and I shouldn't have let them bully you and tear your apart. I should've protected you. That's—" his voice broke a little, and Kurt couldn't believe that Sebastian was being so vulnerable. "That's what I've always wanted to do for you, Kurt, is protect you."

Kurt was really crying now, wiping his eyes and feeling embarrassed of his tears as always.

"I regret not staying close with you," Sebastian said, starting to feel emotional too. "So much."

Kurt exhaled. "I missed you too," he admitted. "I—used to want to be close to you forever."

"And I wanted to take you out to tonight, to tell you that we still can be," Sebastian told him. "It may not be the same as when were kids, but—it would be something. And Westerville isn't so far, and there's Facebook. I just want you to be in my life again, Kurt. I really, really do."

Kurt nodded again, smiling and wiping the tears from his eyes again.

"I want you to be in my life too," he said. "As long as you can be. You hurt me a lot when you left, but-I've already forgiven you. Even if I was-bitter, and upset, I forgave you in time. I always do."

Sebastian smiled too, and began to look relieved. Kurt shifted his foot underneath the table, touched it gently against Sebastian's, and Sebastian knew from the feeling in his chest that things were going to get better from them for there on out, not instantly, but as they continued to grow together.

Kurt wiped his eyes fully with a napkin and he and Sebastian looked each other, sighing in relief and finally feeling comfortable around each other again.

The waitress came and Kurt and Sebastian ordered their food. As Kurt turned to thank the waitress, Sebastian swore he saw a scar on Kurt's neck that hadn't been there before, and he cringed when he thought of how it might've gotten there, and tried to forget about it.

"So," Kurt said, bringing his hand to his water glass again. "Are there any girls? Even though Dalton is an all-boys school."

Sebastian relaxed visibly again, and he smiled.

"No," Sebastian said. "There was someone a while ago, but—it didn't work out."

"Oh," Kurt said. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine," Sebastian replied. "He was kind of a tool anyway."

Kurt almost choked on his water.

"_H-he?"_ he managed.

Sebastian nodded, staring at Kurt intently. "I'm gay, too."

Kurt's eyes were wide as saucers, and his heart had just started beating a thousand times faster.

"Um," he quipped. "Oh."

Sebastian smiled a little wider. "You sound surprised."

"I'm, I mean I'm not _that _surprised, but—" Kurt fumbled. "I just—didn't know t-that you, um—since _when_?"

"I met the guy last year," Sebastian explained. "I already knew, at that point, that I didn't like girls, because all those girls in middle school drove me insane."

"God, me too," Kurt agreed quickly.

"But it just took a year of me—trying things, and realizing what I liked, for me to fully get that this was who I really was," Sebastian said. "Dalton has a strict no-bullying policy, and the guys were all cool about me and anyone being gay there. I'm lucky that I was able to find myself when and where I did."

Kurt nodded, and Sebastian noticed that he was blushing visibly.

"How did you know that-that I was?" Kurt asked, kind of weakly.

"It is on your Facebook, Kurt," Sebastian answered.

Kurt rolled his eyes and smirked a little, faintly.

"Seriously?" he said, wearily. "That's how you knew?"

"I also heard my parents saying something about it," Sebastian added on.

Kurt sighed.

"You wanna know something?" Kurt said. And of course, Sebastian did. "I always was. I mean, when I was younger I didn't know that 'gay' explicitly mean 'having sex with men,' but—I could just feel it. Growing up, I just knew it. Boys, when they weren't terrible to me, were just what I wanted. Liking girls was never me. They're complete whack jobs anyway."

Sebastian laughed at this. Kurt smiled subtly, and Sebastian couldn't help but find it sexy.

"When I—came out, and told my dad, that afternoon," Kurt continued, "One of the first things he said was, 'All you ever wanted for your eighth birthday was a pair of sensible heels.'"

Sebastian laughed again. "That's true, you did," he recalled.

Kurt sat back in his seat a bit, biting his lip and shaking his head.

"And you know, it never really bothered me that people were calling me gay when I was a kid," Kurt said. "The fact that I might've been gay wasn't scary. It was the—" he had to pause here, to register the hurt, "—the _way _that they called me, and the way that they treated me, and the way that being gay was like leprosy, or a death sentence. It was being any kind of different from the boys who were able to like girls and feel like it was normal."

Sebastian nodded. "I get that," he said.

"It's still really difficult," Kurt said, slowly. His hands were started to tremble a little as he recalled certain traumatizing things. Sebastian just wanted to hold them. Hold him. "In fact it's—more difficult," Kurt continued, "now that they _know._"

Sebastian shook his head.

"You are so strong, Kurt," he said. "I've always admired that about you. If I had stayed here and gone to McKinley, I-I probably would've never come out. You're brave."

Kurt looked like that meant a lot to him.

"And I'm sorry," Sebastian said. "You don't deserve any of the ways you've been treated."

"I know," Kurt said, sighing. "I'm just—" he closed his eyes, as if he were imagining, "waiting for the day when I graduate, and get into college, and they work at my dad's tire shop while I'm out seeing the world with my husband."

Sebastian smiled.

"Oh, and guess what?" Kurt said, opening his eyes and pressing his hands into the table. "Cawser got a girl pregnant. And she's keeping it."

Sebastian laughed outright.

"Serves him right," he said.

"Good thing we don't ever have to worry about that happening to us, hm?" Kurt said.

"Fantastic," Sebastian agreed.

Sebastian drove Kurt home, holding onto his hand before Kurt got out of the car and beaming when Kurt said, "Thank you. I had a nice time." A couple of nights later, when Sebastian "officially" came out to his mom and dad, sitting them down on the couch and just telling them straight up, pointedly, his mom was struck silent for a moment and his dad immediately frowned.

"Is this about Kurt?" Mr. Smythe asked.

"No!" Sebastian snapped.

"Sebastian, tone," Mrs. Smythe mumbled.

"I was gay before I saw Kurt the other day," Sebastian huffed. "I just didn't tell you."

"Well, this is—sudden," Mrs. Smythe said.

"It doesn't change anything, does it?" Sebastian asked, almost as if that were a threat.

Mr. Smythe raised his eyebrows and Mrs. Smythe could sense her husband on the verge of saying that it did, so she nudged her husband in the arm.

"No," Mrs. Smythe said. "I'm—I'm happy, for you—that you were able to tell us. Thank you."

Mr. Smythe didn't say anything. Sebastian didn't expect him to.

And that was the end of that.

Sebastian and Kurt kept going on more dates that summer. They spent time getting familiar with each other again, with Kurt slowly bringing down his walls, letting himself laugh and feel good again, and Sebastian having no inhibitions when it came to showing Kurt that was perfect, just the way he was. They were dating, then, and Sebastian kissed him for the first time. It was Kurt's first kiss with a boy, and if it was going to be any boy, Kurt would've wanted it to be him.

Sebastian asked Kurt to be his boyfriend, and Kurt said yes, but they both decided not to make it "Facebook official" for a while, because they wanted to keep Kurt safe. The fall started with Sebastian back at Dalton and Kurt at McKinley, but Sebastian drove over in the Cadillac some weekends, took them to the movies or to ice skating. Sebastian began showing Kurt everything he knew about intimacy and knowing someone's body, gradually shrugging him out of his clothes, showing him was beautiful, and making out with him some warm nights in the car, the windows fogging up and Sebastian's hands guiding Kurt's hips and the the worn leather sticking to their backs.

And Kurt would never forget the first time Sebastian said, "I love you, Kurt. You're my best friend, and I've always loved you."

They graduated high school. Kurt was at Sebastian's Dalton graduation, and Sebastian at Kurt's. After the McKinley grads were done tossing their caps, Sebastian was one of the first audience members down on the football field, sweeping Kurt into a kiss right there, right in front of his 621 other classmates. Needless to say a lot of them stared (at Kurt and at Sebastian, who some definitely recognized as the "straight" kid from middle school), as Kurt's kiss went from ten seconds to thirty seconds to two whole minutes of passion and tongue.

When Sebastian broke their kiss-swollen lips apart, Kurt's face was flushed from excitement, bewilderment, and _fuck you, Lima, Ohio._

All of a sudden Sebastian and Kurt were twenty-two and living together in Westerville, after four years of college and another graduation and the love growing even stronger between them. After they moved into their new house, they went out for a celebratory dinner at the same restaurant they'd gone to sophomore year, and Sebastian, as promised, drove them in his dad's old Cadillac.

Dinner and dessert were spent with loving glances and good conversation. Afterwards, Sebastian and Kurt walked to the car; Kurt went to open the driver's seat door, as a playful insinuation that Sebastian would even _think _about letting him drive his baby, and Sebastian shut the door quickly and gave Kurt a humored, almost flirtatious stare, before Kurt could enter.

Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled. "I'm never going to get to drive this thing, am I?" he said.

"Not when I'm in the car," Sebastian chuckled.

Kurt was going to walk around to the passenger side, but Sebastian said, "Wait," and grabbed his hand first, stopping him and pulling him back in close.

Kurt looked up into Sebastian's eyes romantically.

"Yes?" he prompted, raising a brow.

Sebastian looked looked at his beautiful Kurt with eager and nervous eyes as he suddenly dipped a hand into the pocket of his slacks, pulled out a small box, and then—got down on one knee, in the middle of the twilight parking lot.

Kurt squealed so loud that half the restaurant's outdoor patrons turned and stared.

"Kurt," Sebastian said, grin wide as it could be. He flicked the box open, and tears began to fill Kurt's eyes at the sight of the ring.

"Will you marry me, and be my boy-wife?"

Kurt covered his teary cheeks with his hands, laughed joyously, and nodded.

"Yes—I would love to be your boy-wife, Sebastian," he answered.

Sebastian put the ring on Kurt's finger, and Kurt jumped up as soon as Sebastian stood, holding him in a warm embrace and kissing him over, and over, and over, and over.

They stood there with their arms around each other in the parking lot, foreheads pressed together and hearts fulfilled. Kurt's lashes flickered tears onto Sebastian's cheeks every time he blinked.

"Just this once," Sebastian muttered, as he began to kiss Kurt's soft lips again. "The boy-wife gets to drive the Cadillac home."

Kurt looked up at him excitedly. "Really?" he asked.

"Really, honey," Sebastian said.

And so they got into the Cadillac and, as fiancés, they drove home.

They would get married a year later, get secure jobs, and with a few fights here and there, they would would lead a great life. Eventually, they adopted two kids and went on adventures to pick them up from school together. And each night, before they went to sleep, Sebastian would kiss every place that Kurt had been hurt as a kid, day by day; gradually, Sebastian had healed Kurt's wounds and made him whole again. As it should've been.

Kurt was truly Sebastian's love.


End file.
